A Ticking Time Bomb

These sharp pieces of broken glass;
The reflection of the dead moments of past,
tons of random fuzzy memories,
and excessive ashes of burning hope.

These sharp splinters; the carvings of self-made prophecies,
separated by a path which divided two kinds of sides;
the bright ones that i'm dying to realize,
and the dark ones that i'm dying to avoid.

All of these are trapped inside the labyrinth within my brain,
which is wrapped by tangled strings of fear and worries,
surrounded by sad souls of shattered dreams,
and haunted by merry ghosts of dancing nightmares.

Where's the gasoline? Where are the matches?
Where's the dynamite? Where are the explosives? 
Nobody can find them and i wonder why, 
then i realized that i don't need any of them.

Cause this mind, is actually just a ticking time bomb.

Dear Supreme Lover

My dear supreme lover,

I surrender.
This bloody ripped white flag is waving above my head,
Telling the world that my effort to forget you is officially failed,
Although i've run away for ridiculous amount of distance, but i've eventually always arrived on you. On and on, and on.

I let my heart guides me.
We've done painful things to our hearts.
You've broken mine, and i've broken yours.
But these hearts of ours are destined to be attached to each other, for eternity.
And my wounded heart guides me to its pair: yours.

I wait.
The concept of true love is hypothetical.
Either it's trully genuine, or trully overrated, i believe in its sub-concept: waiting.
Cause as Radiohead says: true love waits, and i will surely do.

I miss.
Good things come to those who wait, cause they won't miss anything. But i did.
For all those lost times i've missed, i trully regret.
And i tell myself a secret about how our hearts won't be separated by any kind of boundaries.
That secret is: i cannot stop missing you.
That's what keeps me suffering, and you're the one who makes me addicted to suffer.

My dear supreme lover, i'm home.

New Year, Worse Shit?

People get excited in January. It's the first month of the year. They use the momentum for a refresh. Being someone new, building something new, stopping something bad, and doing better things.

For how long can they keep it up? I bet it lasts until the end of February, max. But i think there are some things that are getting worse. One of 'em is today. Monday, January 4th 2016 is the first weekday in 2016, and it's also my first day going to college in 2016.

What i feel is something worse, instead. On the train station this morning, the locket wasn't open until 5:30 AM. So, we were late. Last year, it was open at 5:00 AM sharp. But in this 'everything new' year, people are getting lazier than last year. Why? Was it because they're feeling so hard to move on from holidays?

Well, this is a pathetic thing. People were talking bullshit on social media about how much better they're gonna be in 2016. But the fact is they're getting lazier. Such a shame.

That's why i got no spesific resolution for 2016, i'm just gonna let it flow. Better things don't depend on your new year's resolution. Better things depend on yourself. On your attitude. On your moral.

What i really keep in mind for this year is this: don't ever perceive shit about someone or something on social media. They may be angels on social media, but they might be devils in real life.

They may be public enemies on social media, but they might be social heroes in real life.

Punk Rock and Entrepreneurship

Punk rock contains noise, yells, rebel, resistance, and attitude. Punk rock doesn't give a fuck about anything. Punk rock thinks and does whatever they want, and responsible for it.

What makes me so much interested in punk rock (besides its kick-ass music), is the DIY Movement, or the Do It Yourself Movement. It reflects the independence and autonomy that punk rock also contains.

Through DIY Movement, they don't have to obey the corporates cause they do almost everything by themselves. In their early years, bands like Dead Kennedys and The Exploited recorded their music, produced albums, merchandise, distributed, and promoted their works independently. By that, they could do whatever they want without considering the trends. And that's how independent label started.

Not only in the music industry, DIY Movement can also be applied to many aspects of life. With the DIY spirit and punk rock attitide, you can live your life freely. You can own the freedom. And you can never give a fuck about anything but the loved ones.

Entrepreneurship is the manifestation of DIY Movement. By being an entrepreuneur, you are the boss of your own. There's nothing on earth can dictate you. You work for yourself by being a self-employed. And you build your own dream, instead of helping your boss build theirs. Those are exactly some concrete ideas of punk rock attitude.

A month ago, on November 29th 2015, i started a company named Pills Jakarta. The main reason i started it, was because i was so afraid and worried. I was afraid that i would end up being a robot that is paid and dictated by corporate. I was worried that the corporate's ambitions would kill my ideas and creativity, and start telling me what to think, what to do, and what to behave. I won't let that happen.

I started Pills by selling used cassettes and a few imported records online. I've sold a used T-shirt once. Although it doesn't make much money yet, but i felt relieved. It makes my fear of becoming a corporate robot slowly fading away. I hope, i wish, and believe that Pills will be big and will make huge amount of money. And by that, i can be a corporate and start hiring my own employees so called corporate robots. Brilliant, isn't it?

Well, fear sucks. But sometimes it is fear that triggers you to start doing something. And what triggered my fear is punk rock, with its attitude.

I want to keep being an entrepreuneur with DIY spirit, punk rock attitude, and straight edge lifestyle.

Through The Time Mirror

What if sci-fi stuff like time machine ever existed? It's such a cliché, but honestly i've been daydreaming about such things since i was kid.

Although it hasn't been invented yet, time machine sounds kinda too mainstream to me. I think time mirror would be much cooler. Can you imagine that? You look into a mirror while thinking about your past, and the past version of yourself shows up. And you could talk with them. Sounds rad, doesn't it?

And imagine, one day you just wake up in the morning and you hear a voice coming from a mirror and it's the future version of yourself.

What would you do if you had that thing? For now, i really want to be able to talk to myself in the past through the time mirror.

Well, i feel myself changing from time to time. And recently, i feel that those changes are leading me to become a worse person. I feel extremely different right now. It's like my soul has died and been replaced by another soul. It's like i've turned into another person, and i don't like it.

If time mirror ever existed, i really would see myself in the past through it. I'd talk to him. I'd guide him. I'd tell him do's and dont's. Which things he has to fight for, which things he has to avoid. I'd tell him to enjoy his childhood and appreciate time as best as he could. And at the end, i'd tell him from my deepest heart about how much i miss him; the past version of Nuris Sungkar.

And after that, through the same thing, i'd see myself in the future. I'd ask him everything, no matter what. I would force him to guide me, to tell me which path i must choose, which friend i must leave, which enemy i must eliminate, which memory i must destroy, and which ones i must love more.

Good news or bad news from myself in the future, i would accept and prepare for it. Cause hate it or like it, it will happen and i will face it.

But one thing for sure. If time mirror ever existed, there's no such thing as regret. And unfortunately, regret triggers people to be better.

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