Little Pieces of History

I felt easily exhausted lately. I was so sick of the low blood pressure. I've taken and eaten the shit that the doctor prescribed and suggested, and still, i was kinda feeling dying.

"Mens sana in corpore sano." Juvenal said, which means 'a healthy mind in a healthy body.' I guess we all know that phrase. The poet views that if you're mentally healthy, then you're physically healthy.

I got too tired to think, so i crashed myself onto the bed. It's so hard to sleep, i wanted to, but i couldn't. People around suggested me to forget coffee for a while, although they know i wouldn't give a fuck. I was feeling like drowning between the pillows, like getting mud sucked in a comfort way.

As i closed my eyes, i was starting to feel the presence of the sparkling shits that i've been through. They're warm and surrounding me, flying in and out of my body holes. They're so welcome.

Those certain times, those particular moments, those little pieces of history. My eyes were closed, but the vision was very unblurred and bright. The feel, sound, smell, and taste were clear as well. I asked myself, "Did i took too many antidepressants?" Cause that experience was psychedelically trippy for sure.

Those old days when my eyes were still sunny as sunday sunshine, everything seemed so colorful. The weather was warmly great, every single second felt so blissful, it's like eternal summer. Every breath i took smelled like violet, and everytime i breathed out, it's like breezing rainbow. Every single food i ate tasted like lollipop. It's like i was high all the time without doing any drugs.

And then she came to me, breathing so close to my neck, introducing herself as the true love. She upgraded those old wonderful days of mine to the highest level. From 'excitingly wonderful'  to 'opiately wonderful'. She's like a hypodermic needle, flying in high speed from an unpredictable direction, pierced me right in the major vein, injecting a huge amount of addictive artificial devotion.

All of that cheerful happiness has guided me to lunacy, forced me to completely lose my sanity. My friends noticed something very wrong with me and started judging me. They saw me as a hysterically falling-in-love idiot who was standing right behind the borderline of 'sane' and 'insane'. They might tried to help me out of that maze of affection, but i saw them as a bunch of jealous-ass douchebags who wanted to pull me down into the valley of loneliness.

She brought me the thrilling destructive sweetness, led me to the critical addiction. Her sweetness really made my days, cheered me up, hurted my teeth, got me diabetes, and finally broke my heart. She gently showed me the hurtful reality, revealed the painful truth, and left me agonizing scars all over my heart and soul as her farewell gift, without saying goodbye. The way she arrived and the way she left were contradictory. She built me up when she arrived in my heart, and tragically broke me down when she left my heart rotten. And i was totally lost, eversince.

Those sparkling shits instantly transformed into gloomy shits and suddenly woke me up. I was sweating so bad, breathing heavily, and my broken heart was beating hard and pounding fast. I looked out the window, watched the dark skies, and hope to see UFO, then get abducted by aliens and never coming back. It might be a silly idea, so i wanted to make it simple. I just wanted to sleep forever.

I really didn't know what to do, i felt totally lost. I barely couldn't concentrate on anything. I always lost my focus when reading or watching. So, i turned on my iPod, chose 'Dude Ranch' album by blink-182, and played 'Dammit'. I turned up the volume and a minute later, Hoppus sang the line "Well, i guess this is growing up."

Well.. I guess this is growing up.