Punk Rock and Entrepreneurship

Punk rock contains noise, yells, rebel, resistance, and attitude. Punk rock doesn't give a fuck about anything. Punk rock thinks and does whatever they want, and responsible for it.

What makes me so much interested in punk rock (besides its kick-ass music), is the DIY Movement, or the Do It Yourself Movement. It reflects the independence and autonomy that punk rock also contains.

Through DIY Movement, they don't have to obey the corporates cause they do almost everything by themselves. In their early years, bands like Dead Kennedys and The Exploited recorded their music, produced albums, merchandise, distributed, and promoted their works independently. By that, they could do whatever they want without considering the trends. And that's how independent label started.

Not only in the music industry, DIY Movement can also be applied to many aspects of life. With the DIY spirit and punk rock attitide, you can live your life freely. You can own the freedom. And you can never give a fuck about anything but the loved ones.

Entrepreneurship is the manifestation of DIY Movement. By being an entrepreuneur, you are the boss of your own. There's nothing on earth can dictate you. You work for yourself by being a self-employed. And you build your own dream, instead of helping your boss build theirs. Those are exactly some concrete ideas of punk rock attitude.

A month ago, on November 29th 2015, i started a company named Pills Jakarta. The main reason i started it, was because i was so afraid and worried. I was afraid that i would end up being a robot that is paid and dictated by corporate. I was worried that the corporate's ambitions would kill my ideas and creativity, and start telling me what to think, what to do, and what to behave. I won't let that happen.

I started Pills by selling used cassettes and a few imported records online. I've sold a used T-shirt once. Although it doesn't make much money yet, but i felt relieved. It makes my fear of becoming a corporate robot slowly fading away. I hope, i wish, and believe that Pills will be big and will make huge amount of money. And by that, i can be a corporate and start hiring my own employees so called corporate robots. Brilliant, isn't it?

Well, fear sucks. But sometimes it is fear that triggers you to start doing something. And what triggered my fear is punk rock, with its attitude.

I want to keep being an entrepreuneur with DIY spirit, punk rock attitude, and straight edge lifestyle.

Through The Time Mirror

What if sci-fi stuff like time machine ever existed? It's such a cliché, but honestly i've been daydreaming about such things since i was kid.

Although it hasn't been invented yet, time machine sounds kinda too mainstream to me. I think time mirror would be much cooler. Can you imagine that? You look into a mirror while thinking about your past, and the past version of yourself shows up. And you could talk with them. Sounds rad, doesn't it?

And imagine, one day you just wake up in the morning and you hear a voice coming from a mirror and it's the future version of yourself.

What would you do if you had that thing? For now, i really want to be able to talk to myself in the past through the time mirror.

Well, i feel myself changing from time to time. And recently, i feel that those changes are leading me to become a worse person. I feel extremely different right now. It's like my soul has died and been replaced by another soul. It's like i've turned into another person, and i don't like it.

If time mirror ever existed, i really would see myself in the past through it. I'd talk to him. I'd guide him. I'd tell him do's and dont's. Which things he has to fight for, which things he has to avoid. I'd tell him to enjoy his childhood and appreciate time as best as he could. And at the end, i'd tell him from my deepest heart about how much i miss him; the past version of Nuris Sungkar.

And after that, through the same thing, i'd see myself in the future. I'd ask him everything, no matter what. I would force him to guide me, to tell me which path i must choose, which friend i must leave, which enemy i must eliminate, which memory i must destroy, and which ones i must love more.

Good news or bad news from myself in the future, i would accept and prepare for it. Cause hate it or like it, it will happen and i will face it.

But one thing for sure. If time mirror ever existed, there's no such thing as regret. And unfortunately, regret triggers people to be better.

blink-182 | Enema & Take Off Ur Pants CD Bundle

Original, Sealed, Imported from Argentina

IDR 250K

PILLS

instagram.com/pillsjakarta

pillsjakarta.tumblr.com

0857 - 8289 - 0874

LINE: nrsg666

BBM: 5BA64BD2

5 Best Mindfuck Movies

It's really cool when you could mess with someone's mind. I'm interested and almost majored in psychology, but i thought communication would fit to my passion in journalism. So, i consider psychology as a hobby. But luckily, i got a psychological subject called "Psychology of Communication".

No wonder i love everything that has something to do with psychology. Something that could fuck your mind up. Mostly, mindfuck books and movies.

I do love Silence of The Lambs and The Shining. Those are my most favorite horror movies ever, but i don't put those into my 5 best list. Those are great psychological thrillers, but i don't think those are mindfuck enough to make you insomniac for the next 3 days.

So, here's my 5 best mindfuck movies that would make you insomniac for the next 3 days :

5. Vanilla Sky (2001)

Tom Cruise stars as David Ames, a womanizer who finds romantic redemption when he falls in love with his best friend's girlfriend Sofia (Penelope Cruz). Before that relationship can begin, however, David is coaxed into a car driven by an ex-lover, Julie (Cameron Diaz), who turns out to be suicidal. Driving her car off a bridge, Julie kills herself and horribly disfigures David. Reconstructive surgery and the loving support of Sofia seem to reverse David's luck. It turns out he is suspected of complicity in Julie's death, while horrible incidents are soon making him question the reality of his existence and his control over his life.

David struggles to find out the truth when his dreams turn into reality, and what he thinks is reality, turns into nightmares.From that point, the movie takes a Lynchian twist that ultimately and literally pulls us into his tortured mind. 

4. A Beautiful Mind (2001)

A mathematic nerd John Nash (Russel Crowe) is an introvert guy who made an astonishing discovery early in his career and stood on the brink of international acclaim. 

He's a brilliant student and became a professor, then started teaching. The mindfuck part starts when he found himself on a painful and harrowing journey of self-discovery once he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. The fact that some parts of his life don't exist might possibly make you wanna repeat the movie and pay attention to some details.

In the end, he could cope with his schizophrenia but it made him look weird and eccentric. Eventhough he's finally rewarded with Nobel Prize.

3. Phone Booth (2003)

A New Yorker Stu Shepard (Colin Farrell) called his girlfriend from a phone booth everyday. But one day, the payphone called back. He picked up and a mysterious caller terrorized him.

The mysterious guy forced him to confess to his wife about his affair and he's getting a death threat. The caller really fucked his mind up and made him covered in sweat. The mind-terror act involved hookers, cops, reporters, and even live report on many TV stations.

The most mindfuck part is when the mysterious caller's identity revealed. I gotta admit that Phone Booth might be the most thrilling movie ever.

2. Shutter Island (2010)

In 1954, as World War II veteran and current federal marshal Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his new partner, Chuck (Mark Ruffalo), ferry to Shutter Island, a water-bound mental hospital housing the criminally insane. They have been asked to investigate the disappearance of Rachel Solando (Emily Mortimer), a patient admitted to the asylum after she murdered her three children. 

As Teddy quizzes Dr. Cawley (Ben Kingsley), the head of the institution, he begins to suspect that the authorities in charge might not be giving him the whole truth, and that a terrible fate may befall all the patients in the spooky Ward C  (a unit devoted to the most heinous of the hospital's inmates). Complicating matters further, Teddy has a secret of his own. The arsonist who murdered his wife is incarcerated on Shutter Island. Driven to confront his wife's killer, and stranded on the island because of a hurricane, Teddy must unravel the secrets of the eerie place before succumbing to his own madness. 

1. Fight Club (1999)

Edward Norton stars as a depressed young man (named in the credits only as "Narrator") who has become a small cog in the world of big business. He doesn't like his work and gets no sense of reward from it, attempting instead to drown his sorrows by putting together the "perfect" apartment. He can't sleep and feels alienated from the world at large; he's become so desperate to relate to others that he's taken to visiting support groups for patients with terminal diseases so that he'll have people to talk to. 

One day on a business flight, he met Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), a charming iconoclast who sells soap. Tyler doesn't put much stock in the materialistic world, and he believes that one can learn a great deal through pain, misfortune, and chaos. Tyler cheerfully challenges his new friend to a fight. Our Narrator finds that bare-knuckle brawling makes him feel more alive than he has in years, and soon the two become friends and roommates, meeting informally to fight once a week. 

They formed a community called "Fight Club" which becomes an underground sensation, even though it's a closely guarded secret among the participants. (First rule: Don't talk about fight club. Second rule: Don't talk about fight club.) But as our Narrator and Tyler bond through violence, a strange situation becomes more complicated when Tyler becomes involved with Marla (Helena Bonham Carter), whom our Narrator became infatuated with when they were both crashing the support-group circuit.

This movie's gonna get your mind blown when you discover the true identity of Tyler Durden. If you're an anti-capitalistic person, Fight Club would be your best movie to watch on repeat.

Well, that's it. Those are my 5 best mindfuck movies. If you're a psychology freak like me and you've never watched those, i strongly recommend you to watch those immediately and get your mind fucked.

I'm L. O. S. T.

Gone. Or became another person.

Unrecognizable. Or became a stranger.

Hesitant. Those feelings have faded away, or taken me into a state of denial.

Undoubt. She turned back into an alien like she used to be.

Misdirected. Can't figure where i'm heading.

Absentminded. Can't figure what to think

Disoriented. Can't figure what to do.

Commitment-phobic. Can't fall in love no more.

Schizophrenic. In the dark, i keep hearing her voice.

Terrorized. Inside my head, i keep seeing her face.

Homesick. I kinda miss her.

Love. Non-absolute. Form-changing.

Love. Cheers me up. Fucks me up.

Lost.

Leftover. Outcasted. Sick. Tired.

'Lover' and 'Stranger': A Thin Line Between

People fall in love with each other. I believe each person on this planet has their loved ones. When a person falls in love with someone, he/she usually came as a stranger. And in a second, that stranger could quickly turn into a lover.

It might occurs to 'love at the first sight', but it sure doesn't only occur to romantic love. Maybe some parents are not aware that their children used to be a 'stranger'. When parents see their baby for the first time, that newborn baby could turn from a 'stranger' into a 'lover', at the first sight.

Love has great ability to narrow down the line between 'strange' and 'common' or 'familiar' and 'unfamiliar'. When someone turns from a stranger into a lover, he/she automatically becomes less strange and more common, more familiar. Eventhough you don't know his/her name yet, but at least you'll start to recognize the face, the voice, the gesture, the presence, etc. And by those recognitions, he/she becomes more common and familiar, and no longer a stranger to you.

Otherwise, love has another great ability to restore the circumstance to its original state. It usually occurs when you're breaking up. Usually after some endless fights and frictions, your feelings for each other will be faded away. Slowly or directly. And that's the moment when your lover starts to turn back into a stranger. And when you completely lose the feelings, he/she would become a complete stranger.

I've been in that kind of situation. I fell in love at the first sight with a stranger and she quickly became a lover. I spent years loving her, adoring her, craving for her, crazy of her. i thought i'd never stop loving her. But as time went by, we kept disappointing each other and i reached the moment when i completely lose my feelings for her, we broke up, and she became a total stranger.

Sometimes i miss the moments with her, the togetherness, and the tough struggle of 'stealing' her heart. I honestly miss her. When we were still together, everytime i missed her, i met or saw her pictures and my 'homesickness' for her was satisfied. Done. But now, when i miss her and try to meet or see her pictures, that longing and 'homesickness' still remains. I can't heal the wound, the ache of missing her. And it's deeply painful. Mentally.

I've learned a good lesson. Love has power to wreck someone's sanity.

Anthem For The Non-Conformists

Slipknot's "People = Shit" might be the anthem for those who are fed-up with social life. And i think social life makes people get 'imprisoned' by certain social standards and values.

Weezer is one of my many favorite bands. And they have a song called "Pork and Beans" which is about the resistance of being 'imprisoned' by those standards and values. Rivers Cuomo wrote the lyrics and i bet he refuses to be a 'social prisoner'. As in the chorus :

"Im'ma do the things that i wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if i make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy with the me inside

One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot about what you think."

The social prisoners are those who couldn't live independently. They struggle to be liked and loved by the society. Well, it's the social law. To get a perfect social life, you gotta be a conformist; a person who does everything in order to get accepted, liked, and loved by the society.

It's great to be well-accepted, liked, and loved by the society. But don't you feel sick about the conformists? They crave for social acceptance. They obey the trend. They think, act, behave, and do nothing but the trending stuff.

They're controlled by trend which is constructed by the corporates. Then, another social law occurs; the trendier you are, the easier you'll get accepted by the society. We gotta admit that the society these days isn't just material-oriented, but trend-oriented as well. We judge people by their material wealth, and we judge people by their sense of trend. Don't we?

It's so pathetic when you witness a person who struggles to do everything that based-on-trend; wear trending clothes, listen to trending songs , watch trending movies, eat trending food, talk with trending slangs and terms (whether they really enjoy it or not) in order to be accepted, liked, and loved by the society.

It's very funny when a person went to Java Jazz to build classy impression. And a few months later, the person went to Bon Jovi concert to build masculin impression. Then, the same person went to Djakarta Warehouse Project to build 'i'm so cool and i listen to EDM' impression.

They do what's been trending to impress to society. They spend lots of money, time, and energy to do stuff that they might not really like. And by that, they'll get social acceptance.

The corporates construct the trend. The trend controls the society. The society kills the idealism of the people. The people become conformists. And the conformists are nothing but corporate dolls.

That's why i've been trying so hard NOT to be a conformist. Cause i know it sucks. You can't be yourself. You can't decide your own options. It's like your whole ways of life is determined by the corporates, trend, and the society.

This is your own life. You owe nothing to the corporates, you owe nothing to trend, you owe nothing to the society. Your life is in your hands. Your life is yours.

So, let's sing along to

Weezer's "Pork and Beans"; the anthem for the non-conformists.

'Best Friend' Is A Singular Phrase

I've written that i'm a kinda loner and i don't hang out much. But fortunately, i ain't a freak loner who doesn't socialize at all. I admit that i do have pretty good social skills. I've made plenty of friends, but i just don't hang out with them.

Everybody has a best friend. Everybody wants a best friend. Some total anti-socials might not have a human best friend. But i think they have another kind of best friend, like a pet, a musical instrument, a video game console, or even a lethal weapon for psycho kind of anti-social.

Either some friends have attempted to be my best friend, or i've attempted to be their best friend. It never worked out, unless when i was in high school. I met a friend, let's just call him Buck. He was my bandmate and we have the same interests. We're quiet similar; the way we behave, the way we think, the way we judge. It was four years since the first time we met, and we've been best friends eversince.

I met lots of friends from different environments, different hoods. And i haven't found better friend than Buck. I become friends with anyone, anywhere, anytime, and i have some close friends. But i won't consider them as best friends. Cause i know they tend to be jealous ass, backstabbing, opportunist kind of friends.

I have no idea whether it's a gift or a curse, but i have pretty strong sense of detecting liars, betrayers, fakers, hypocrites, opportunists, or whatever it is. I could feel the symptoms when one of my friends start being an asshole.

I had a quite good friend in my high school years back then. He was pretty close to me and he's such a pride-worshipper. And he's typically a jealous ass. He seemed pretty kind to me, but i couldn't resist my sense. And my sense was right. Some friends betrayed him and told me that he talked shits about me when i wasn't around. What a fucking faker. And he's not the only faker i've known.

The most recent is, i've had a kind of 'tail' friend. Let's just call him Nick; a friend who follows me where ever i go. My sense told me that he's such an opportunist jealous ass. He's been using me as his 'social ride' to carry him from one society to another. And yes, he has bad social skills.

And the dissapointing thing is, Nick doesn't know how to appreciate for what i've been doing for him. He looks jealous of me, it's pretty natural. But his jealousy makes him being uncool to me lately, which makes me quiet uncomfortable. He doesn't do it explicitly, but i can feel it.

The way he responds to my joke, the way he looks at me, talks to me, his gesture, those things indicate that Nick's becoming a jealous opportunist jerk.

How could i judge that he's jealous of me? Well, everybody sees us together. Cause as i said before that he's such an opportunist 'tail' that follows me anytime. And i bet, our friends (who thought that we're best friends cause we always seem together) must have compared us. I'm not being an arrogant snob, but people would know who's better between us.

It's quiet natural when a person gets mad when being compared to his/her close friend. Plus, i have another feeling that Nick's having a crush on a girl, which is my friend too, and he thought that i'm hitting on her. So he really considers me as his rival. But he has no guts to show it, so he's being uncool to me, implicitly. Such a weak chicken.

The whole thing got me think that Slipknot's "People = Shit" is goddamn true. No matter how kind they are, how close they are to you, how cool they look, they just equal shit. There is only one great shit, which is your true best friend.

It's proven. My dad has only one best friend. He's been friends since they're in elementary school until now when they're almost 50. They've been best friends for more than four decades. I've been friends with Buck for four years and i hope will be 'til we die.

So, you could have more than one best friend, but there will be only one true best friend.

And to Nick. I know what you think about me, what you really are, what you're up to, i know much more than you think. I owe you nothing and you owe me respect.

Fuck you, jealous-backstabbing-opportunist nerd.

Me, MTV, and Alternative Era

I was six or seven years old and i had an uncle who was young and very cool. He was in the high school at the time; a decade older than me. He introduced me to skateboarding, taught me how to do an ollie, told me that MTV was the coolest TV station ever, bought me Jackass DVDs, and so many other cool things. He definitely made me a loyal MTV viewer. MTV brought me Green Day and Avril Lavigne. I love those musicians. Until i watched a music video of "The Rock Show" by the world's pop-punk pioneer named Blink-182. And i instantly fell in love with that band until today.

I grew up listening to alternative music. I started listening to Blink-182, Green Day, and Avril Lavigne in the elementary school. I became a Slipknot's maggot when i was in junior high school. In senior high school i started listening to extreme metal bands like Dying Fetus, Behemoth, Napalm Death, Suicide Silence, Terror, Madball, Hatebreed, Cro-Mags, you name it! Many different type of extreme genres as well; death metal, black metal, grindcore, hardcore-punk, deathcore, metalcore, and the other alternative kinds of music. At my high school's last year, i added Weezer and Alkaline Trio into my favorite bands's list.

I've been idolizing singing-guitarists that were brought by MTV such as Tom DeLonge of Blink-182, Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, Matt Skiba of Alkaline Trio, and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day, while most of my friends idolized football players. Actually, my taste of music is very simple; bands or solo artists with distorted guitar. That's it. And that music taste of mine was constructed by MTV.

All my favorite bands i've mentioned above and all musicians i idolize, were brought to me by MTV. I grew up at the in between era; the end of the 90s and the beginning of the 2000s. And one of my favorite things to do when i was in the elementary school was watching MTV right after school, maybe because i hung out with my uncle too much. That TV station made me a huge fan of many cool bands, cool video game (Tony Hawk's Pro Skater), and cool TV shows (Jackass, Beavis & Butthead, Celebrity Death Match, etc). MTV did make me a huge fan of alternative culture. It made me me think a lot of alternative ideas, all the time. I became a person who is not easily get affected to mainstream stuff, because of MTV.

I might be the last MTV generation of alternative era. MTV stopped bringing cool things until the mid of 2000s. At the beginning of the 2010s, i stopped watching MTV. It started bringing pathetically disgusting shits. Techno-pop singers, EDM, boybands, DJs, corporate sluts, mawkishly mushy faggots, they all suck. To be honest, i've been dissapointed with MTV since it gave global popularity to 'artificial' artists such as Justin Bieber, One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, and many other faggots. MTV changed the global music taste into a garbage full of MIDI drumbeats, non-distortion guitars, artificially digital instruments, digitally-tuned vocals, minimal musical skill, and a bunch of materialistic faggots.

Materialism ≠ Happiness

I'm just a regular college student. I'm unpopular. And based on people's 'happines index' these days, which is measured materially, i'm not a happy person.

Economically speaking, i'm from a middle class family. I ain't rich, but i ain't poor either. Gratefully, my parents have enough money to buy me decent food and pay my educational cost, but not enough to buy me things like high-end PC, sophisticated video game console, or irrationally-expensive smartphone, while my friends do.

The pathetic thing is, when my friends start talking about one of those 'exclusive' things (the most common one is high-end video games), i can't understand it cause i don't have that such thing. And it's a kinda shame. Not because of the economical limit of my parents, but i feel marginalized. I'd surely be quiet everytime that topic comes outta their mouths.

The question is, am i unhappy with all of that 'economically limited' condition? Well, according to material-oriented people, they might say that i'm an unhappy person who doesn't have enough money to buy things that bring happiness.

Fortunately, i've learned much lessons of life which, indirectly, told me that there are so many things that are much more important than money and material stuff. And those lessons made me a non-materialist person.

Things that make me happy are located inside. It's what inside my heart, what inside my head. Most of those materialists might judge me that i'm in a denial of what i'm incapable of. But i'm not.

I do have things that are much more precious than money and material stuff. And i do believe that those things could make me tons of money someday. As i mentioned above, those things are inside me; my attitude, my ability, my creativity.

I'm not being such a snob right here, but it's all i've got. Those things inside me are the 'finger' that pull my trigger to achieve 3.78 GPA, level 8 TOEIC course, ability to write this post in english, and gratefully many other 'inner beauties'.

So, let me ask this simple question : who will be more needed by the world, by people, by societies, by huge companies? The one who has 3.78 GPA or the one who has PlayStation 4? I think you know the answer.

Once again, i'm not being a smug, arrogant, vain, or whatever you'd call me. I'm just getting things straight. I'm trying to tell people who are materially and economically limited, to never be hopeless, frustrated, or desperate. And i'm trying to tell the world that money, economical condition, and the other material stuff are not the indicator to measure someone's happiness.

So, to the people of earth, please stop making your fellow beings to think that they won't be happy if they're not rich. Stop spreading materialism ideas.

First things first. Believe me, if you enrich your brain and heart, automatically, you'll be happy, rich, and money will come to you.

When The Whole Universe Betrays You

If i had to answer the "who's your favorite author?" question, i'd say Dan Brown is the one. I've read all of his books multiple times. But in this case, i think i'd gotta say Paulo Coelho, altough i've only read "The Alchemist" and "The Winner Stands Alone" once.

Coelho has written so many books, but i think the best one is "The Alchemist" which has its most popular thought-provoking quote "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

The book talks about destiny, the way things happen for some reason. And the quote above does make people optimistic, which is actually very good.

I'm such a pessimist, and when i read "The Alchemist" for the first time, and got thought-provoked by the quote, somehow, it gave me power. So, i used to rely on that quote.

Theoritically, the quote is quiet right. If you're destined to achieve something you want, it feels like the whole world does some kind of teamwork to realize it. Everything feels so easy, no obstacles.

Practically, it isn't always work that way. The universe does conspire to help you achieving what you want, but it doesn't always occur in every condition.

I applied that 'theoritical' quote in real life, in order to realize my biggest desire. It made me very optimistic, and it made me less realistic as well.

I've sacrificed everything i had to achieve that desire because i was kinda over-optimistic. But i didn't consider the fact that i might fail, the fact that i wasn't destined to realize that desire.

The quote inspired and motivated me. But it failed to prove its validity. So, after all i've done, after all i've been through, i failed to realize my biggest desire. And it kinda drove me crazy.

The failure made me recall the quote. The universe conspires to help you achieving what you want. Who controls the universe? According to my religion, God does. I thought that if the universe doensn't conspire in helping me to achieve the big desire, then God doesn't exist. And that's the time when i considered to turn into an atheist, for the first time.

On my way in achieving the big desire, i totally dedicated myself to God. I prayed a lot. But when i lost the hope, i was dissapointed. Started with questioning the existance of God, being mad to God, and thinking that there's no such thing as God.

I spent a lot of my time googling about God's existance from another perspective; the atheism perspective. I found a research that shows the 'happiest' countries in the world based on happiness index are non-religious countries, which are dominated by atheists.

I might say that atheists don't blame anything when they fail. They are way sincerer to accept failures. So, they live with less pressure and regret. Therefore, they live happier than the religious ones.

But the atheism ideas didn't fully succeed to take over my thought. Eventough i was very interested in atheism, but i haven't officially declared that i turn into an atheist.

I found a better idea. I found an idea that God does exist. The only one who decide your destiny is God. If God wills you to achieve what you want, God will make the whole universe conspires to help you. But if God won't let you to achieve something (yet), God will make the whole universe conspires to make you fail.

The non-atheism idea is way more relevant, according to my experience. I did fail to realize my biggest desire, but it doesn't mean that God is not there. God is there. God just doesn't will me to achieve the desire. Or at least, not yet.

And everytime God doesn't will you to achieve something, the whole universe betrays you. And that's the time when you'd better throw your hope away and start a new one.

Is Solitude A Reason to Die?

I've been listening to Blink-182's debut album 'Cheshire Cat' these days. The album was released in 1995, and it has my favorite punk rock song ever called 'Carousel'. One of the many reasons i love Blink-182 is that they have tons of musically and lyrically thought-provoking songs. 'Carousel' is one of 'em. It's about growing up, like most of  the songs in their early days.

Written by Tom DeLonge, 'Carousel' has a very interesting line; "I know not a reason why solitude's a reason to die." and it did provoke my thought. At the first time i listened to that line, i instantly asked myself "Is solitude a reason to die?"

It feels like facing a mirror, everytime i listen to the song, i see myself; a human being who is considered as an introvert. I don't go out much, i don't hang out, i kinda hate crowds, i spend time with my family and a few closest friends.

My friends see me as a loner, i love doing things like reading books and watching movies, so i spend most of my time at home. I cannot find any interesting thing in hanging out. To be honest, i hate to hang out with friends at some boring places like bar, pub, beerhouse, restaurant, or whatever it is.

I like to eat and have a cup of coffee in some cozy restaurant or coffee shop, alone or with my family or closest friends (the few best ones). But if that 'outdoor activity' gets interfered by some random friends, i'll definitely lose my interest and want to go home immediately.

Strange things happen. I love being a loner, but sometimes i feel sad and pathetic about my loneliness. I realize that i'm a human being and human beings are social creatures. I took the photo above when i was having a cup of coffee, alone. At that time, i was feeling like i need someone to share, to talk, to spend time with, i need someone to love.

I felt like i lost my family when i officialy became a broken home boy. My parents got divorced and it makes me want to start a new happy family. It makes me a true family man. It makes me think that it would be very great to be married, to have a partner to grow old with, to have children to play with, it's like building our own ship to conquer the world and spend the rest of ourlives together inside it.

I agreed with the people who think that true love is such a bullshit, especially when my ex cheated on me. But needing a true love is not a bullshit. I'm feeling that desire, i'm craving for a true love, a soulmate, another loner. I need the right one for eternity. I need a true lonermate.

So, i think could answer the question. Solitude is not a reason to die. Not for me. All i need is another loner.

Too Old For Shit? Or Growing Up Too Soon?

I've formed a punk rock band called 'Toilet Surfers' with my collegemates. So far, we've covered Social Distortion and Blink-182 (we're planning to cover some Alkaline Trio and Matt Skiba & The Sekrets songs too, btw).

We rehearsed last night and the studio's located far away from my house. So, i slept over at my friend's house.

His room was very 'punk rock'. Band posters all over the wall, Les Paul, stickers, stencils, and all the cool things were in his room.

I used to be a lover of those cool 'messed up' things. Until last year, i removed all my posters off my wall, disposed all the messy things, and cleaned up my room until it's neat. And i still don't know why i did that.

At that time, i suddenly felt very uncomfortable with those things. I used to think that those are cool. But then i changed for indescribable reason and started to think that those messed up things are not cool anymore.

I was playing his Les Paul while enjoying the room's atmosphere; Posters, stickers, and stencils of Social Distortion, Misfits, Rancid, and the other punk rock bands. I was quite amazed and enjoyed the atmosphere, but it's only for a while. It lasted only about 10 mins, and then i started to feeling uncomfortable.

"I can't live with those things anymore." I thought. My friend is a year older than me. But he still got his 'youth' passion. I had no idea. Maybe it's because of my old mental age. One time, I took an online mental age quiz and my result was 45. It sucks and to be honest it's quite embarassing.

I'd never thought "I'm too old for this shit." But since last year, i kinda started to think that. I'm only 18 and i'm asking this question to myself over and over again; "Am i too old for shit? Or am i growing up too soon?"

Drink Well, Kids! (And Disobey The Seniors)

This morning i've got an email from Metal Hammer Magazine about a breaking news from Slipknot. It said "Slipknot Bassist Rushed To Hospital During The Show". I was shocked as hell cause my first thought was "Slipknot's bassist dies again?! What kind of devil has gotten into this band?!"

Then, i read the whole news and i got relieved. Alex Venturella the current Slipknot's bassist didn't die. He just blacked out while performing on stage with Slipknot in Hartford, Connecticut and had to walk off the stage, then rushed to the hospital. He was suffering from 'Severe Dehydration'. Too bad the show went on without Alex. But the good news was the show still went on.

I had that kind of 'shitty' experience on my college orientation week. The seniors were very very cruel because they limited the water supply for us while we were forced to do some abhorrent physical activites. They yelled at us, mocked us, and successfully made me really want to literally KILL them so bad. Yes, i still have it in my boiling blood that runs through my veins; the obsession of KILLING those seniors. Or at least kick 'em in the nuts.

They got me dehydrated, i barely blacked out, and at the time they forced me to keep running on and on, my asthma flared up. I was rushed to the medic and allowed to go home earlier. My friend was even worse. Her asthma flared up and she wasn't rushed to the medic, but straight to the hospital. We had the similar experience, at the same time. It's kinda funny, but that's how we met.

I'm a sophomore now. But i know it really sucks to be a freshman. And so does dehydration. So drink well, kids. And DO NOT ever obey the seniors, cause your asthma might flare up. If they mess around with you, kick 'em right in the nuts until they puke their guts.

Fuck the seniors, fuck dehydration!

Holiday Makes Me Stupid

I got barely perfect grade in the first semester. I thought i would get straight A's, but that little motherfucker called "Basic Logic" really kicked me right in the ass. I got C for that goddamn subject. I wondered why and i realized that i didn't do the assignment. It became one of my biggest regrets.

Although my university is well-known as the full-of-sluts university, but it gives the opportunity for its students to fix their broken grades by attending a short semester.

Short semester lasts for 2 weeks during the final semester break. Yeah, it does ruin your holiday but it heals your academic wounds as well. I wanna resurrect my fallen grade, so i gotta sacrifice my holiday.

After 2 months of holiday and haven't written conventionally, i attended the first day of the short semester. And guess what? I barely couldn't write. I wrote like a toddler. And when my lecturer explained the subject, it's hard as hell to get what she was explaining.

I wondered what the fuck was wrong with me and suddenly i remembered that 2 goddamn months of getting wasted. And yes, holiday does make me stupid.

Little Pieces of History

I felt easily exhausted lately. I was so sick of the low blood pressure. I've taken and eaten the shit that the doctor prescribed and suggested, and still, i was kinda feeling dying.

"Mens sana in corpore sano." Juvenal said, which means 'a healthy mind in a healthy body.' I guess we all know that phrase. The poet views that if you're mentally healthy, then you're physically healthy.

I got too tired to think, so i crashed myself onto the bed. It's so hard to sleep, i wanted to, but i couldn't. People around suggested me to forget coffee for a while, although they know i wouldn't give a fuck. I was feeling like drowning between the pillows, like getting mud sucked in a comfort way.

As i closed my eyes, i was starting to feel the presence of the sparkling shits that i've been through. They're warm and surrounding me, flying in and out of my body holes. They're so welcome.

Those certain times, those particular moments, those little pieces of history. My eyes were closed, but the vision was very unblurred and bright. The feel, sound, smell, and taste were clear as well. I asked myself, "Did i took too many antidepressants?" Cause that experience was psychedelically trippy for sure.

Those old days when my eyes were still sunny as sunday sunshine, everything seemed so colorful. The weather was warmly great, every single second felt so blissful, it's like eternal summer. Every breath i took smelled like violet, and everytime i breathed out, it's like breezing rainbow. Every single food i ate tasted like lollipop. It's like i was high all the time without doing any drugs.

And then she came to me, breathing so close to my neck, introducing herself as the true love. She upgraded those old wonderful days of mine to the highest level. From 'excitingly wonderful'  to 'opiately wonderful'. She's like a hypodermic needle, flying in high speed from an unpredictable direction, pierced me right in the major vein, injecting a huge amount of addictive artificial devotion.

All of that cheerful happiness has guided me to lunacy, forced me to completely lose my sanity. My friends noticed something very wrong with me and started judging me. They saw me as a hysterically falling-in-love idiot who was standing right behind the borderline of 'sane' and 'insane'. They might tried to help me out of that maze of affection, but i saw them as a bunch of jealous-ass douchebags who wanted to pull me down into the valley of loneliness.

She brought me the thrilling destructive sweetness, led me to the critical addiction. Her sweetness really made my days, cheered me up, hurted my teeth, got me diabetes, and finally broke my heart. She gently showed me the hurtful reality, revealed the painful truth, and left me agonizing scars all over my heart and soul as her farewell gift, without saying goodbye. The way she arrived and the way she left were contradictory. She built me up when she arrived in my heart, and tragically broke me down when she left my heart rotten. And i was totally lost, eversince.

Those sparkling shits instantly transformed into gloomy shits and suddenly woke me up. I was sweating so bad, breathing heavily, and my broken heart was beating hard and pounding fast. I looked out the window, watched the dark skies, and hope to see UFO, then get abducted by aliens and never coming back. It might be a silly idea, so i wanted to make it simple. I just wanted to sleep forever.

I really didn't know what to do, i felt totally lost. I barely couldn't concentrate on anything. I always lost my focus when reading or watching. So, i turned on my iPod, chose 'Dude Ranch' album by blink-182, and played 'Dammit'. I turned up the volume and a minute later, Hoppus sang the line "Well, i guess this is growing up."

Well.. I guess this is growing up.

What's My (Mental) Age Again?

Age doesn't define maturity. There are so many people out there who don't and won't act their age. They are aged enough to be classified as 'old' but still hanging out and getting wasted as well. They refuse maturity and are in denial of growing old.

One of the greatest bands ever, which is also one of my favorite bands; Blink-182, has portrayed that phenomenon in a cool way in "What's My Age Again?" from Enema of The State album. Mark Hoppus wrote the lyrics, describing how immature he was; doing such stupid things like watching tv while getting a blowjob, doing prank phone calls, etc.

So, we can say that the thing that really defines someone's is the mental age, not the physical age. There's some 50 year-old guy out who behaves like a teen and there's also a teenager who behaves like a 50 year-old.

Last year, some of my friends said to me "You're so lame." because they thought i talk overratedly wise and mature, and oftenly think about things that i don't supposed to think about yet. I was pretty pissed off with the idea and i tried an online mental age test. The result was quite shocking. My mental age is 30, and i was physically 17 year-old. The result has made me more pissed off, so i tried to don't give a fuck about it and started to rejuvenate the way i think and talk.

A few days ago, i met an old friend, we talked a lot and he said kiddingly that i don't change at all, still lame. I was quite shocked and it means that all the rejuvenate attempts i've been doing, was failed. Then once again, i did that online mental age test and the result was really mind-blowing. This year, when i'm physically 18 year-old, my mental age is 45. FORTY FUCKING FIVE. At this time, i really don't know how to deal with this mental oldness. Should i worry? Or should i just don't give a fuck? What if next year my mental age is 75 or even 90?

What the fuck is wrong with me? Am i an old man who is trapped in a young man's body? Whatever.. I'd better don't give a fuck, anyway.

I Wanna Be Ant-Man

I've just watched Ant-Man about 5 mins ago when i wrote this and yes.. the whole 'shrink and grow' thing has successfully provoked my thought. You'd better watch the movie before reading this following bullshit.

How does it feel to have a suit that is able to resize your body instantly? I bet it would be totally great. You can do LOTS of fun things with that suit. I wonder what things i'm gonna do if i had that awesome suit.

The first thing i'm gonna do is eating a lot and when i'm getting fat, i'm just gonna shrink myself to get in shape. Pretty clever, isn't it? and when somebody pisses me off, i'll shrink myself into the size of bacteria, sneak into his/her urethra, and grow myself back to normal size and he/she will gonna be in a worst pain for sure. What a douche.

I'm gonna grow myself like a gigantic monster, start a business called 'Nuris Sungkar Instant-Transports', and make lots of money by lifting people's cars from traffic jam, then transport them instantly to their destinations. I want to grow myself into the highest level and start ruling the world as well.

And when i miss the girl that i secretly admire, i'll put on the suit, shrink myself into the size of an ant, then visit her house at night and watch her sleeping all night long. Shit, i don't even know her house.

Then, when i get bored and fed-up, i'll shrink myself between the molecules, enter the subatomic state, and start losing track of time and reality, just keep shrinking forever with no way to get out. Poof. And i'll be gone forever in the end.

Such a dramatic bullshit.

But seriously, someday when i become rich, i should reconsider my will to build a death star to live in and start paying some mad scientist to invent Ant-Man's suit. And when it comes true, i strongly recommend the people that might piss me off to embrace their urethras. It's gonna hurt. A lot.

Meredefinisi Makna "Smart"

Banyak fenomena-fenomena sosial di sekitar kita yang sebetulnya aneh, namun sering terjadi di lingkungan sosial kita, atau justru kita yang menjadi korban fenomena-fenomena tersebut.

Terkait dengan yang saya tulis di post sebelumnya mengenai brand image, muncul pertanyaan-pertanyaan;

Mengapa kebanyakan masyarakat lebih memilih untuk membeli produk-produk branded yang tentunya mahal, dengan kualitas yang belum tentu baik dibanding produk-produk lainnya yang tidak branded, tidak mahal, dan bisa saja berkualitas tinggi?

Mengapa kebanyakan masyarakat lebih memilih untuk membeli dan mengonsumsi makanan mahal dengan gizi rendah dan bahkan membahayakan kesehatan dibanding dengan makanan sehat yang murah?

Mari kita bandingkan. Lebih sehat dan bergizi yang mana : Big Mac seharga Rp. 30.000 atau Gado-Gado seharga Rp. 10.000? Namun mana yang lebih populer dan dapat meningkatkan status sosial?

Apakah merupakan sesuatu yang aneh? Menurut kebanyakan orang hal tersebut normal-normal saja, namun menurut saya ini benar-benar aneh. Fenomena di atas seakan menggambarkan bahwa masyarakat kita ini sungguh naif. Seakan-akan kita ini dibutakan, dibodohkan dan disihir oleh mantera-mantera konsumerisme, hedonisme, dan materialisme yang datang dari barat sana. Ketika seseorang pelanggan McDonald's lokal ditanyakan soal Big Mac vs. Gado-Gado seperti di atas, kemungkinan besar mereka akan menjawab dengan alasan selera dan rasa. Tapi menurut saya itu bullshit.

Tak dapat dipungkiri lagi, kebanyakan masyarakat Indonesia sekarang ini berasumsi bahwa Big Mac itu lebih lezat daripada Gado-Gado. Bagaimana ini bisa terjadi? Siapa yang merubah dan membentuk selera masyarakat Indonesia?

Mao Zedong pernah mengatakan bahwa kekuasaan itu datang dari laras bedil. Menurutnya senjata dan pertumpahan darah merupakan syarat untuk memperoleh dan mempertahankan kekuasaan. Namun sepertinya gagasan semacam itu kini sudah usang. Di zaman serba modern ini, dengan pesatnya kemajuan teknologi informasi dan komunikasi, sepertinya kekuasaan sudah tidak datang dari laras bedil lagi, melainkan datang dari media.

Big Mac, jeans, kemeja flanel, dan produk-produk budaya Amerika lainnya seakan menjadi suatu 'paket' yang selalu dibawa oleh media-media raksasa yang mengglobal. Setiap harinya di seluruh dunia ditayangkan iklan-iklan persuasif yang mempromosikan produk-produk tersebut. Di adegan-adegan film hollywood yang kita kagumkan itu, selalu menampilkan produk-produk budaya barat dengan berbagai macam cara, dikemas dengan sedemikian rupa sehingga terkesan keren dan menarik.

Setiap harinya, masyarakat kita dibombardir secara terus-menerus oleh media yang selalu membawa 'paket' tersebut melalui beragam medium dari mulai iklan, film, literatur, musik, dsb. Dengan begitu, mereka berhasil merubah persepsi masyarakat Indonesia; dari yang tidak enak menjadi enak, tidak boleh menjadi boleh, tidak baik menjadi baik, dsb.

Melalui segala media dan teknologi canggih yang mereka kuasai, budaya barat berhasil menjadi semacam tolak ukur bagi masyarakat kita dalam menentukan segala hal. Cantik atau tidaknya seorang wanita ditentukan dengan menggunakan tolak ukur barat. Semakin terlihat bule, semakin dianggap cantik. Begitu pula dengan menentukan lezat atau tidaknya suatu makanan, tanpa sedikitpun memperhatikan kualitas gizi makan tersebut.

Big Mac masuk dalam kategori makanan sampah. Istilah ini bahkan datang dari mereka sendiri, junk food. Namun makanan sampah yang rendah gizi ini justru menjadi makanan mahal, bergengsi, dan berpotensi meningkatkan status sosial seseorang. Konsumen makanan sampah barat di Indonesia banyak berasal dari kalangan ekonomi menengah ke atas yang umumnya berpendidikan, intelektual, dan modern. Orang-orang itulah yang selalu berkata "be smart".

Namun ironisnya mereka adalah para konsumen setia makanan sampah. Memang sungguh menggelikan ketika kita melihat seorang pekerja kantoran dengan rambut klimis, pakaian classy kebarat-baratan, dan kacamatanya yang menggambarkan intelektualitas, sedang bercakap-cakap seputar bisnis dengan para kolega sambil menikmati segenggam Big Mac di McDonald's Kemang, lalu berkata "be smart".

Ya, sepertinya kita harus merubah persepsi kita dalam mendefinisikan "smart".

'A Youth Not Wasted' Is Coming! Another Interview with Dochi Sadega

Sebagai salah satu the most anticipated album lokal tahun ini, 'A Youth Not Wasted', album studio keempat milik pop-punkers Ibukota Pee Wee Gaskins benar-benar mengedepankan kualitas produksinya. Buktinya, Scott Sellers dari band pop punk Rufio asal Amerika Serikat akan turun tangan dalam proses produksi album ini. Beberapa lagu dalam album tersebut sudah dapat disaksikan versi live di Youtube seperti 'Teriak Serentak', 'My Sassy Girl', dan 'Serotonin'.

Berikut wawancara saya seputar 'A Youth Not Wasted' dengan sang lokomotif band tersebut, Dochi Sadega.

1. Bagaimana progress 'A Youth Not Wasted' so far? Sudah siap rilis kah?

Tinggal 1 lagu yang belum selesai recording dan menunggu hasil mixing-mastering dari Scott Sellers

2. Tanggal rilis?

Dijadwalkan setelah lebaran, mungkin Agustus

3. Seberapa banyak dan dalam hal apa saja keterlibatan Scott Sellers dalam A Youth Not Wasted?

Pemaksimalan pilihan sound, grammar correction, mixing dan mastering

4. Bagaimana menurut dia tentang album itu?

Tidak ada lagu yang dia tidak suka, katanya semua lagu di dalamnya catchy dan well-written

5. Apakah tracklist dari A Youth Not Wasted sudah bisa saya ketahui? :D

Belum, masih rahasia hehe

6. Benarkah 'Just Friends' akan dimasukkan dalam A Youth Not Wasted?

Yup

7. Sejauh ini 'Just Friends' sudah dirilis dalam 3 versi berbeda yang terdapat di The Transit EP dan PWG EP. Tolong ceritakan latar belakang terciptanya lagu tersebut dan mengapa begitu "spesial" sehingga terus-menerus dirilis dalam berbagai macam versi?

Gak ada alasan khusus, suka aja sama lagunya dan gak ada alasan. Why not? Hehehe

8. Apa yg membedakan 'Just Friends' dalam A Youth Not Wasted dengan 3 versi sebelumnya?

Beda versi, tunggu aja. Ini termasuk lagu favorit Scott di album ini

9. Bagaimana cerita Gania Alianda dari Billfold bisa featuring dengan PWG dalam lagu 'Serotonin'?

Gak direncanakan sebenernya, spontan aja. Seru kan?

10. Seru! Boleh cerita makna lirikal dibalik lagu 'Serotonin'?

Tentang kebahagiaan, serotonin kan hormon yang diproduksi tubuh ketika sedang bahagia. Lagu ini menceritakan saat tubuh kekurangan serotonin.

11. Setelah mendengar 'Teriak Serentak' saya bisa simpulkan dalam A Youth Not Wasted, PWG lebih bereksplorasi ke arah hardcore-punk. Apa benar?

Setelah denger Serotonin gak seperti explore ke pop punk ala TSSF / Such Gold / Neck Deep? Intinya memang album ini explore ke semua varian pop punk yang memang sangat luas, dan pembuktian bahwa PWG gak stuck di 1 gaya aja. Kayak sex, kan enaknya ganti-ganti gaya biar puas.

12. Apa karena kali ini sudah lepas dari major label sehingga lebih bebas dalam bereksplorasi?

Gak kok, label gak pernah membatasi kreatifitas, karena peran label adalah untuk distribusi. Yup; distribusi. Dan supaya punya legal rights yang kuat, plus bantu urusan pajak dan paperworks untuk international release.